How Much More The Wait?

My soul longs for Your instruction today Lord. I'm so tired of my pillow soaked with tears. How much longer the wait, Lord? How much longer the wait? My heart grows faint and my limbs grow weary. What is the truth Lord? What is the truth to this situation? I'm tired of groping around in the dark for answers and finding none. I'm tired of doing everything I know to do and still no outcome. At this point Lord, it could be yes or no and I wouldn't care. At least it would be closure. At least it would be over. At least I would finally know the answer, the truth. How much longer must I wait, must I cry, must I wonder, must I be obedient and still suffer? I have given it my absolute all and my best. I have been faithful. How much longer before you say yes or no? How much longer must I cry out to You with no answer. Yet, I will wait. I don't want to. I want to run. I want to turn my back on this and never look back. I want to be anywhere but here right now. But, yet, I wait. I wait on You. How much longer till I see the end? How much longer the wait? How much longer.......

No Trace Left....

If there is one thing I am learning, it is that it is not sufficient for dead areas of your life to just die, they must be buried. There must be no trace. Nothing.If not, there will be a scent of death that will linger & every time you smell it, the past, the hurt, the memories will confront you. It will not be pleasant. So, don't just let God bring death to those areas that need it, let Him finish, let Him bury them so the only scent you encounter is new life... But what a painful process it is. I think of the sting of death and the shock of knowing what you knew and held and loved will never be again and neither will life as you knew it. The burial process is no easier. It's no less painful. But only till it is buried can you have closure. It seems it is easier to let it die than it is to let it go. But oh the horrible stench of rotting waste! There is nothing at all pleasant about it. You could spray perfume on it and soak it in spices, but still after awhile, the stench would still come through. I'm at that stage right now. Dead but not buried. Still holding on and holding my nose even though it still stinks, almost more willing to put up with the smell than to see it no more. It's funny. A corpse is no good for anything. It's just what it is, dead and stinking. Yet, it hurts so much to let it go, that we would rather watch it rot than to release it even though God has a replacement so much better. I'm trying to let Him bury this part of my life so that when He makes dead and dry bones live they have no remnant of hurt, no sting of death, no past baggage. No stench!! I know the new is better but fear takes control and speaks the ever so familiar lie, "Will God truly do as He promised?". It is a trust issue and a faith thing and it is my struggle. May God help us all to bury our dead. To get rid of the stench that is fouling up our life and the atmosphere around us. And then and only then will we see dead bones arise and dry bones live. Then and only then shall we see what is really in store. Help me to obey, Lord. Take this dead area and place in a deep hole never to be seen in its former state again. And please, Lord, be true to Your word and bring the new You have promised... and I will be careful to give You all the glory and honor and blessing... No trace left...

Turn The Page...

You o' Lord have borne to me this day the heaviness of my pride. A weight to heavy for me to carry. What must I do for You to extinguish Your anger with me and rekindle the fire between us? What must I say to let You know the grief I feel for my sin? I will run to You! I will run under Your cover and there I will fall on my knees and let You see all of me, the very parts I try to hide but Your love exposes. I will let you embrace me once again, prodigal that I am, and I will accept Your forgiveness through Your unending grace. I will turn this page in the history of You and me. I will not wallow here or set up camp. I will move on as You would have me to. I love You, Lord. Thank You for loving me...