My Knight In Shining Armor...

God doesn't always come as you expect Him to. He doesn't always ride in on the scene and whisk you away from danger, from heartache, from life, from yourself...oh, that last one was a mouthful. From "yourself"... For a solid week I could not see, I could not hear, I could not breathe without hurting, and it seemed I couldn't cry one more tear. Then He came. He came to my rescue but it wasn't as I expected. You see, sometimes God has to let us endure our self, hear our self, live with our self, see our self so that we can get over our self. I wasn't going to go to the women's function Sunday night. I was just to beaten down and tired to go, but something in me shouted at me that said "you have to try". So, try I did. I did not break until I fell into the arms of two very close friends who endured this week with me. Endured me. Was there a pity party with them? No, I had had enough of those on my own this week for all of us. And by the way, God never talks to you in a pity party, never, unless it is to tell you to straighten up! When I broke, then I could see what the enemy had been up to all along and had it not been for God and His unending grace, I probably would not have made it to the meeting and I would have never heard the sermon my friend and Pastor gave and I probably would not have broken. We have to break. It is the prerequisite to humbleness, the precursor to repentance, the light to a dark path. Without breaking, there would be no progression, no softening of the heart and no lesson learned. If we hurt enough and get fed up enough, we will give way to God's breaking. Surrender comes, breaking comes, the light bulb of revelation comes, momentary shame and sorrow comes, repentance comes, healing comes, newness enters, progression is made. I had allowed the enemy to place a burden on me that was never meant to be. And God in all His mercy held me this week until I got fed up enough with my own self and with the enemy to finally do something about it. One thing that Pastor Sabrina mentioned that really made all the difference was when she spoke of the man at the pool who had been stricken for 38 years lying there until someone carried him to his healing. Jesus said "wilt thou be made whole?". She posed that question to all of us. Are you going to lie there waiting for someone to carry you to your breakthrough? Are you going to continue to allow the enemy gut shots and to kick your teeth in? Or wilt thou be made whole?!?! No more excuses. No more "it's not me, it's them". That doesn't fly anymore. So, with that choice to make, I answered and said "yes, I wilt be made whole"! And the weight began to drop off like a coat that had been to large for me to wear. The light bulb began to flicker and my path was beginning to clear and my eyes began to focus once more. No more!! I will live as if my next breath is my last and it will be a breath full of joy bubbling over! Should I be ashamed as seasoned as I am for letting this sneak in? Well, some might say I should have known better and I am old enough in Christ to be more discerning, but this time I just wasn't and I refuse to carry the weight of any shame or guilt. It happened, I lived, and I learned and I am all the better for it. Ladies, we have to be so careful to catch the red flags God throws up for us. I can look back now and see the warnings that proceeded the open door to the enemy that is now closed. I chose not to heed them as I should have out of misunderstanding them completely. Do yourself a wonderful favor, if you don't understand the red flag, SEEK UNTIL YOU DO UNDERSTAND OR SEEK SOMEONE WHO DOES AND WHO CAN TELL YOU!! You will not regret it!! Life has taken on new meaning through this whole ordeal for God will never waste pain. You will learn from it and good will come of it. I will not look at the people around me the same that God has placed in my life for a blessing to me. I will love them more, bless them more, laugh with them more, hug them more, encourage them more, lift them more, praise them more for a job well done, try to understand who they are more, enjoy there presence more... I will live my life for God and God alone, for my vessel is empty without Him and I am a dry and desolate place without my Source... I hope I have entered into a new place with Him and I cannot wait to fully see myself through His eyes because then maybe I can see others through His eyes as well without my preconceived ideas...and as a new friend of mine, Tiffany, so eloquently put it, "people matter, love matters"... and you know what, it is all that matters... thank You My God for being my knight in shining armor...You came not as I expected but right on time...I give You ALL the glory for all you have done for me that no one else could have...Jehovah Jireh, you are my provider and YOU ARE ENOUGH....I love You with all my heart and soul and mind...